We know the number one predictor of suicide is isolation.

That could be physical isolation such as someone is alone most of the time due to physical limits, due to mental or emotional limits, or due to choice.

It could be mental emotional isolation such as feeling like no one cares about you, that the world wouldn’t notice if you don’t show up tomorrow, or maybe the world would be better off without you.

It could be social isolation such as not having friends, not having someone to talk with, or attending functions where you feel ignored.

Isolation can be a lot of different things, but they all feed depression, loneliness, a sense of being unimportant.

A person who attends a holiday party and sits alone while others talk to each other can feel isolated.
A persona on a sports team who is left out of the high fives, celebrations, or camaraderie can feel isolated.
The child whose parents need ask about their interests or lives can be isolated.
Someone may go to dinner or lunch with lots of people, but if the other people do all the talking and don’t hear the person, that person could feel emotionally and mentally isolated. The same for phone calls where someone calls and says, “I was thinking about you,” and then talks for three hours about their life and never takes time to listen. Not being heard is isolating. Not being valuable enough to spend time together unless others need something is isolating.
Someone can be part of all the meetings, all the group gatherings, and all the family dinners, but if no one talks with them or asks about their lives or tries to include them, they can feel isolated.

The number one prevention for suicide is belonging.

How you help someone feel like they belong?

Listen. Really. Shut up and listen.
Don’t talk about you.
Don’t commiserate.
Don’t tell stories about yourself and your life to show how you understand.
Just listen.
Keep eye contact or eye/face contact.
Nod. Shows you are hearing them.
Maybe ask clarifying questions or respond with an appropriate emotional acknowledgment, like “That is so hard. I am so sorry.”

Take the time to contact the person through phone calls or texts.
I know. You are busy. You have so much to do. You forget.
Set an alarm on your phone.
Not kidding.
Set the alarm and remind yourself to reach out.
Simon Sinek tells a story about a young man whose mother died, and someone Simon knew, I think his son maybe, was friends with the young man. The friend texted the young man and said, “I know you don’t feel like talking right now, but I want you to know I will be calling you at 10:45 each morning. Pick up. Don’t pick up. That is up to you, but I want you to know I will be calling.” The first few days the young man didn’t pick up, and then he did, and they talked every morning for quite awhile.
Maybe you can’t call every morning, but what about every Monday? What about every 8th of the month because that traumatic loss happened on the 8th? What about a few days before the birthday or anniversary that person is dreading? What about the day of?
I know. It is a hassle. You have stuff to do.
I know.
I also know that phone call can keep someone alive.
Which is harder? Setting an alarm to make a call or send a text regularly or wondering if you could have done something?

Invite the person to do something.
Invite them to lunch or to the ballgame or to an event.
Include them.

I read somewhere that one of the most amazing aspects of Pooh and his friends is that Eyore was always Eyore. He was always depressed, and yet, his friends included him anyway, and often, that gave him a smile. Sometimes people will be Eyore. They need to be invited anyway.

I feel I need to share this for clarification on the topic of texting and calling. I know I shouldn’t need to, and yet, this happened.

One of the stupidest series of texts I received during the horrible two years my kid and I went through was from someone I considered a friend. She texted and asked how I was. I didn’t see that text. In fact, I didn’t see it or the subsequent texts until the next day. When I did see them, I read the following:
#1 — How are you?
#2 — How are you? I’m worried about you.
#3 — I would appreciate an answer.
#4 — You’re being really inconsiderate not answering me.
#5 — When someone is worried about you, you should answer even if you are having a bad day.
We lived 20 minutes apart. In the over 24-hour period of being so very worried about me, she never showed up at my door. But she found time to tell me how I was a bad friend. That is not showing up for someone. That only tells the person how much you really don’t care.

Which brings me to the next thing.

Show up.
Physically get in your vehicle and go to the person’s house.
Take pizza or chicken. Remember alcohol exacerbates emotions, so that might be a bad idea, but take some food and spend some time.

I had a situation where someone I knew gave me reason to believe he was suicidal, but he was in a different state. I couldn’t get to him, and I didn’t know his home address to call the police for a wellness check, so I trolled his Facebook page, found folks from his church group, and contacted them. I told them about my concerns, and three of the men went to his house. He told them I was being ridiculous and trying to embarrass him and make him look bad. The men said no big deal, they would stay awhile anyway, and they did. I believe he is alive because of those men.

Sometimes prevention is a short road, but more often than not, it is a long one, and you have to keep showing up, keep praying for the person, keep calling/texting/having conversations. I know it can be tiring, but please remember these people are fighting for themselves. Sometimes they are fighting to stay alive because they don’t want to hurt their family. Sometimes they are fighting to stay alive because really, they don’t want to die but the pain is more than they can carry alone. Yes, there are counselors that help tremendously, but from what I’ve seen, the battle to stay alive is fought in the trenches, and that is where the friends and people in their lives step in. It is where the person at work notices someone is being too quiet and talks to them or the kids at school notice that one kid who always sits alone so they sit with them. It is the person who notices someone hasn’t been on social media for a bit and sends a message.

Suicide prevention is less often a program and more often a kind person who steps in and builds a relationship.

Be the person.