In my previous post I made reference to strong people still facing incredibly hard things and needing a place to talk and be safe. In several conversations I have had over the years the topic of strong people not asking for help has been tossed in, and usually there is a tone of criticism and judgment. A lot of people think “strong people” don’t ask for help because of ego. I disagree with that. I think it is because they know people around them won’t handle it well. Let me give you a personal example.

In 2010 and 2011 my life changed completely. I refer to it as “the carpet bombing.” A lot of people think I’m kidding, but if you ask people who know even most of the story, they will tell you it’s even worse than that. There was a point when my kids weren’t sleeping because their lives had been carpet bombed too, and I was dealing with the fallout of my recently deceased husband’s bad choices along with my stepdad being angry about my mom’s death, not to mention needing the police to drive by my house regularly for safety issues plus….and oh, did I mention my mom and husband died 4 months apart and I had my own grief and processing I was ignoring while I took care of everyone else? Because that is what I do. Take care of everyone else.

And I made the mistake of texting six people I called friends during a really hard moment, and I said, “I don’t know if I can do this.” Five replied. The sixth didn’t bother. I’m glad she didn’t. Because the other five said:
“I thought you were a warrior. I guess I was wrong.”
“You have two kids to take care of. Pull your s*** together and do your job.”
“If you can’t do this, what does that mean for the rest of us.”
“I never expected to hear that kind of talk from you.”
“You’re a warrior. You don’t have a choice.”

I didn’t talk to anyone else again.

My thought was I would put bu11ets in all of our heads before I was that stupid again.

I’ll let you process the horror of that last statement. Because it is HORRORible.

You know why “strong people” don’t talk? Because the people around them don’t give them a place to be human.

Because most “strong people” know exactly the crap they will hear.
It will be demeaning.
People will judge and criticize them.
People will make it all about themselves.
It will lack kindness and compassion.
And they will be told how they are so very disappointing to the people who put them on that inhuman pedestal.

That is why I think every warrior and “strong person” needs an equal who understands.

Let me tell you a different story about a strong person going through a hard time. Sheriff Bill E Waybourn told me the story from when he was Police Chief. One of his officers was going through a hard time, and Bill is very observant. One day Bill went over and sat and talked for awhile. His officer assured Bill he wasn’t considering hurting himself, and Bill assured him that he knew, and if he thought for one second that might be an issue, he would be emptying. the house of all firearms and would camp out there if need be until the threat had passed.

But that is what a warrior does. Because a warrior understands that life is hard, and there are moments when you feel like it is crushing you. A warrior knows that isn’t weakness. It’s human.

No, I don’t think “strong people” don’t talk because they have egos. I think they don’t talk because they know other people can’t handle their being human.

Jerri Kelley