Jerri Kelley

by Jerri Kelley

Wednesday I attended the funeral of a favorite teacher of mine, and although the service was beautifully her and I enjoyed lovely company with ladies I graduated from high school with, I came home and cried because I miss my brother.

Thursday: normal joyful me.

Friday came, the actual anniversary of my brother dying, and I was fine. I had a great day, did some neat stuff, enjoyed myself.

Saturday another normal joyful day.

Sunday I attended another favorite teacher’s rosary and memorial. Mr. Hinzman had been one of my brother’s favorite teachers and was likely the one who turned my brother onto history. Mr. Hinzman’s grandson did an outstanding job sharing Mr. Hinzman’s life. It was beautiful, and once again, I enjoyed lovely company, saw people I haven’t seen in years, and enjoyed having a chance to talk to them now. I came home and cried because I miss my brother.

Monday and Tuesday: Fantastic days. Energy. Normal joy. Excited about projects I am working on. Cleaned house and did laundry. Good stuff.

Today: Yeah today. This time a year ago I was on my way to Gainesville for my brother’s memorial. It’s a good day today. Energy. Joy. Working on exciting projects. And I want to cry and eat chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant.

Okay, that is actually kind of funny because I didn’t realize until right now why I have been craving chips and salsa. The day I found my brother, a friend of mine took me to a Mexican restaurant after all the police were gone and the funeral home had taken the body. The day of the funeral we went to a different Mexican restaurant. No wonder I’ve been craving chips and salsa. Weird how the body remembers things. Okay, that makes me laugh.

But I am sad today. I miss him, and it is still so weird that he is gone.

And the rollercoaster has gone flying into another lower spot.

And I am sharing this because clearly Mexican food is good for grief. LOL Not really, but it is funny to me that I am craving chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant.

I’m sharing it because grief is the weirdest ride ever. One day is fine. The next you are a sobbing mess. One day you are functioning like normal. The next you can’t find your phone you are talking on no matter how hard you look. Another day a movie makes you laugh from memories, and still another day it’ll make you cry from the same ones. One day you have no desire to eat anything, and another you crave chips and salsa.

Believe it or not, that’s normal. Today’s sadness is normal. Yesterday’s high energy joy is normal. I figure the high energy joy will be back tomorrow, which is also normal. The rollercoaster is real…and, yep, you got it, normal.

Let it be normal, and be kind to yourself accordingly.

Today is a rollercoaster dip day. I am handling this dip with things that feel good–The Expendables (one of our favorite movies), a walk with the dogs, hopefully enjoying some rain, maybe some tears, definitely joy, and most likely some chips and salsa.

Thanks for being on the wild ride with me.

Jerri Kelley